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50 Funniest Historical Tweets of All Time

by Staff Writers

Twitter hasn’t been around since the beginning of time, but that’s no reason to deprive historical figures of their own Twitter voices. Several people have shared the Tweets that people throughout history would have made, if only they could. Here, we’ll take a look at the 50 funniest.

Historical Figures

Here you’ll read tweets from some of the most famous people in history.

  1. Benjamin Franklin’s Discovery: Benjamin Franklin puts early to bed early to rise to work.
     
  2. Lewis & Clark Discover Google Maps-Doh!: Lewis and Clark discover that their hard work was made irrelevant by Google Maps.
     
  3. Burr vs. Hamilton: Aaron Burr asks Alexander Hamilton why he’s being such a crybaby.
     
  4. Einstein’s Theory of Relativity: Check out this tweet to learn more about Einstein’s theory of relativity.
     
  5. Helen Keller’s Tweets: Helen Keller does her best.
     
  6. Oscar Wilde Overdressed: Oscar Wilde recommends overeducation.
     
  7. Whitman Contradiction: Walt Whitman contradicts himself.
     
  8. Julius Caesar Gets Crunk: Julius Caesar looks forward to getting crunk.
     
  9. Ice on Mars!: The Mars Phoenix Lander revealed itself as a teenage girl when tweeting about ice on Mars.
     
  10. Sacagawea’s Coin: Sacagawea explains why she deserves her own coin.
     
  11. Anne Frank and Her Uncle: Anne Frank gets up close and personal in the attic.
     
  12. Bell’s iPhone: Alexander Bell shows off his iPhone apps.
     
  13. Lee vs. Grant: Lee and Grant go another round.
     
  14. Lincoln Asks Twitter Followers for Speechwriting Help: The origin of "four score and seven years ago" is revealed in this tweet.
     
  15. The Sultan of Swat: Babe Ruth asserts his prowess.
     
  16. MLK’s Dreams: Martin Luther King, Jr. needs a dream journal.
     
  17. Buzz on the Moon: Buzz Aldrin points out what a showoff Neil Armstrong is.
     
  18. Joan of Arc’s Twitter Visions: Joan of Arc’s tweet hilariously foreshadows her fate.
     
  19. Tubman’s Underground Wi-Fi: Harriet Tubman apologizes for her lack of tweets.
     
  20. Nixon’s Haters: Richard Nixon reminds his haters that he was President, and they weren’t.
     
  21. Anna Karenina vs. Michelle Obama: Anna Karenina doesn’t understand the fuss over Michelle Obama’s arms.
     
  22. Brevity is the Soul of Mark Twain’s Twittering: Mark Twain’s tweet wishes for brevity.
     
  23. The Gutenberg Tweet: Johannes Gutenberg realizes his invention’s futility.
     
  24. Monopoly Gates: Bill Gates wonders about the definition of monopoly.
     
  25. A Young Adolf Hitler Twitters Away: Adolf Hitler grows his famous mustache in this tweet.
     

Celebrities

Mostly fake, but still fun, these are tweets from celebrity figures.

  1. Sending All My Lovin’ To You: Paul McCartney explains why he didn’t send all his lovin’ to you.
     
  2. Morrissey-and everyone else-is dead!: Twitter gave a modern twist to celebrity death hoaxes.
     
  3. Elvis’ Wii: Elvis can’t handle the Wii Fit.
     
  4. Don’t Tell Wifey: Ashton Kutcher hit 1 million followers when he showed his wife Demi Moore’s white panties.
     

Politics

Hear from Obama, Osama, and more.

  1. Mao’s Tru Blood Recipe: Chairman Mao shares his recipe for Tru Blood.
     
  2. Ruling the World: @MAhmadinejad vows to rule the world one goat at a time.
     
  3. Bin Laden’s Location: Osama bin Laden tries to avoid revealing his location on Twitter.
     
  4. SCROTUS: Rahm Emanuel discusses his new nickname.
     
  5. Armageddon Lesson: Robert Gibbs and the President watch Armageddon to learn what to do about asteroids.
     
  6. Al Qaeda Trader: Al Qaeda wonders if fat fingered traders are more effective than bombs.
     
  7. Pissing Gold Dubloons: Obama describes his campaign finance as pissing gold dubloons.
     
  8. Baby Makin Animals: Howard Dean picks up women with GOP lines.
     
  9. Tony’s Card: Gordon Brown tries to think of something clever for Tony Blair’s going away card.
     
  10. Bush’s Lawn Guys: George W. Bush misses the perks of Presidency.
     
  11. Cheney’s Baboon: Dick Cheney saves a baboon for spare parts.
     
  12. Condoleeza Juggles: Condoleeza Rice juggles her relationships with Kofi Annan and George Bush.
     
  13. Sarah Palin Defends Barack Obama: Sarah Palin defends Barack Obama in the face of alien accusations.
     
  14. The Inauguration: See Obama’s inauguration from Bill Clinton’s view in this tweet.
     
  15. Joe Biden’s Teeth: Joe Biden shows off what government funded healthcare gets you.
     
  16. Kim Jong Il Loves Pizza: Kim Jong Il admits to kidnapping an Italian chef for pizza.
     
  17. Bush Blasts 3rd Candidate on Twitter: In this tweet, Bush Sr. tells Ross Perot he should back off.
     

Religion

Get into the mind of God through these tweets.

  1. Two Easters: God laments the possibility of two Easters.
     
  2. Gandhi Confesses on Twitter: In an out of character moment, Gandhi confesses to punching an old lady.
     
  3. Jesus and the Jonas Brothers: Jesus explains the origin of the Jonas Brothers.
     
  4. The Genesis of All Tweets: Adam tweets to God about a revealing realization.